With yet another year rapidly upon us, maybe it’s time for the age-old tradition of making New Year Resolutions to extend to the pets. Perhaps they would sound something like this: 

15. I will not eat other animals’ poop. 
14. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.
13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 
12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener or a doorbell ringing on TV.
10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping becomes a judged competition in major animal shows.
9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus, dogs are from Mars.
8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
7. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on steroids, or they’ll flush me!
6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.
5. Grow opposable thumbs; break into pantry; decide for myself how much food is “too much.”
4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.
3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 
2. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 
1. Dogs: I will not chase the stick until I see it leave my master’s hand!